You Can't Always Get What You Want (Part 2)

At the end of Year 10 Debbie Cunningham left our school.

The school clique morphed, formed and reformed to include a wider circle of girls and boys.

Alliances were crystallized to practice for exams, attend school musical rehearsals, prepare our notes for the inter-school debating competitions, and share cassette tapes of bands that we were into. We talked.

We did a lot of talking. In between hanging out in the Sannens' pool after school, weekend sleepovers in the rumpus room, and VHS movie nights, we would call each other up on the home phone. These conversations went on forever. My mum was right to wonder what it was that we needed to talk about given we see each other every day at school.

We would talk about the small stuff: things that had happened. What people had said or what they didn't say, and how that made us feel. We exchanged coping strategies, what kids these days call "life hacks".

Then there was the big stuff: ideas about the world, questions of morality, hopes and dreams about our future careers. And our fears. What might happen if we didn't do well enough in our exams to get into Uni. We problem-solved through brainstorming.

It felt like we spent more time at each other's houses than our own. These friends, many of them with adult children of their own now, still feel like siblings to me which is no surprise given we grew up together.

Like siblings, the love is unconditional. Even after life-changing experiences, both good and bad, we pick up the conversations as though it was yesterday, as though 40 years had not passed. These friends know me better than I know myself, and I value their advice.

The Rolling Stones sang "You can't always get what you want.... but if you try sometime, you might find, you get what you need." Psychologists speak of culture and community being protective factors for our mental health. Feelings of belonging, sharing our vulnerabilities, talking about our hopes, dreams and fears, and having a laugh are essential to our well-being.

All relationships are time-consuming. We might want expediency. We might be lured by the promise of the "quick fix" but good things take time. Sometimes what we need is a long chat.

I'm alarmed and saddened by the statistics that reveal loneliness to be an epidemic among young people in Australia. Paradoxically despite all the technology at our fingertips that connects us instantly and globally what many lack is the sense of connection that I was so lucky to have when I was a kid in Frankston.

#creativity #nostalgia #friends #cheaperthantherapy